5 things for friday (on thursday evening)
because it's memorial day weekend, and perhaps you need a travel read!
happy friday, friends.
are you tired of my opening this newsletter by telling you that i’m a little bit depressed? yes, me too. i’m tired of it all. i’m tired of feeling this way, tired of waiting for the feeling to end, tired of trying to open a friday newsletter in a way that isn’t inherently some big ol’ pity party.
so, yes, i am still in the muck of it all. i think it’s possible that i will be here for quite some time. but today, i don’t want to focus on that. i want to focus on the things i’ve done (and/or are doing soon) to help me keep my head above water. because i imagine you, too, have been in the muck. and while perhaps my methods will be different than yours, or won’t apply to you, perhaps, also, they will. perhaps they’ll remind you that it is not all darkness, or sadness, or frustration. that there is light, too. and that, as i constantly remind myself: this feeling is not forever.
so! let’s talk shaking off the sads, shall we?
get out of the house and move your body. this is the oldest trick in the book, but for me, it’s a real one: i always feel better after i take a walk. or go for a run. or go to a bar method or a hot yoga class. endorphins are a real thing, and let me tell you, when your brain is going to wild, unchartered places it has no business visiting, it works wonders to get yourself out of the damn house and ideally, to move your body in a way that distracts you from your thoughts for a spell. tuesday morning, i went for a nearly hourlong walk with my friend sky, who lives just a few blocks away. we hadn’t seen each other in a long time, for no real reason other than that lives are busy and somehow we’d gone too long without a hang. i’ll be honest: when i got up on tuesday morning, still woozy and slightly snotty from the head cold that kindly decided to pay me a visit over the weekend, i didn’t really feel like a long walk. but it was beautiful outside, and i knew the fresh air and movement would do me good. i’ve seen time and time again just how helpful a sanity walk is, just how much sunshine and the sound of the water can bring me a little something like peace. and so i slipped on my birks and my beloved fanny pack, and i went. and by the time i returned home, i felt so. much. lighter.
the walk helped. but so did the conversation. which brings me to my next point.
say the hard thing out loud. i have, to put it mildly, a tendency to wall myself off when i’m really struggling, telling only a select few (generally my parents, more recently my therapist, who i feel more grateful for than ever—more on that below!) how bad i feel. this is because i pride myself on being able to handle “it”—whatever it is. i don’t want to burden other people with my problems, and perhaps more importantly, i’d prefer that other people don’t know i have problems (which, honestly, is laughable, because i have PLENTY OF PROBLEMS AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT!). i am constantly terrified that my friends think i am too much, or too sensitive, or overreacting (all things i have been told before, in one way or another). and so i often rationalize that it’s easier to just say, “i’m alright!” easier to assure folks that it’s just a tough period, but that i’m fine, that i’m “hanging in there!” but honestly, on tuesday, i was very much not hanging in there. and just SAYING that to sky—telling her how frustrated i was about the job search, and the agent search, and how nothing seemed to be working out like i had hoped—made it feel less overwhelming. it was a good reminder to say the damn thing out loud. doing so gets it out of your brain. this, for the record, is also what i love about writing.
go do something you know makes you happy. my friend amanda knows i love amos lee, and so when her donyc subscription offered up free tickets to his show in brooklyn, she surprised me by snagging them! much like tuesday morning, i spent yesterday in an anxiety spiral. yet another thing i’d been counting on shifted (if not evaporated entirely), and it unmoored me. i had that kind of nervous energy that makes me feel like a live wire—like i’m sending off electrical sparks if you get too close, like just about anything could explode me at any given second. i had a pit in my stomach, tears in my eyes, and while a midday lunch at eva’s kitchen (a new spot in the neighborhood sky and i have been meaning to try, and one my friend katie was able to join us at!) provided a bright spot in the day, i couldn’t seem to shake off my funk. but i wasn’t going to cancel on amanda, and so i biked my butt over the bridge, blasting TTPD through my airpods.
arriving at the theater, i was frenetic at best. i’m going to get a drink! i said to amanda, because i was sad and i thought maybe booze would make me feel better (newsflash: it never does). but then the drinks were $22, and so i decided i would not be getting a drink, because hello, i am unemployed, and do not need to be spending $22 on a cocktail. as it turned out, it was not a cocktail that i needed. it was music. which, duh, sarah. of course it was. i’d been hoping that amos would play violin, one of my favorite songs off his 2011 album, mission bell.
not only did he play it, but he played it alongside an incredible violinist, and sang it with his incredible bandmate, solomon dorsey, whose buttery voice climbed inside my heart and made me feel like everything was going to be okay. it was a reminder that music heals most things, but especially the things that feel unheal-able. and that time with good friends does, too. it sounds like simple advice, and perhaps it is, but when you’re feeling down, try and fight the urge to hide yourself away from the people and things you love—those are the things that will make you feel better, that will remind you there is a you outside of sad you.
and when all else fails? call your mom(s), call your therapist (this is a big one for me!), cry into your cat’s fur (been there!), watch your favorite comfort show/movie, read your favorite book, listen to your favorite song, and EAT ALL THE HOMEMADE COOKIE DOUGH YOU WANT, okay? there are no rules when you are in the muck, and i wholeheartedly believe that.
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i continue to be so humbled and grateful that you’re here. that you read, and comment, and every so often, send me a thoughtful email or leave an encouraging comment. if you've not yet subscribed, might you consider doing so?
and now for our 5 things!
ayana elizabeth johnson is a leading climate activist and communicator, and she doesn’t think we’re doomed. at least, not entirely. though she won’t go so far as to call herself hopeful, she’s one of the rare climate experts attempting to change the mood. and god bless her for it, because lord knows we could use a tiny bit more positivity on that front. johnson is a marine biologist, and the founder of the urban ocean lab, a think tank that focuses on climate and coastal cities (ahem, like the one i reside in).
this interview with her was nothing short of illuminating. i might even go so far as to call it brilliant? i found myself transfixed by her candor, and the refreshingly realistic way in which she talks about climate change—what we can do about it right now (not buy a beach house, which she says is “fine if you want to set money on fire”), what our politicians and corporations can do, and what we need to give up to make real change.
i’m really into the nyt’s new interview podcast overall, but i think this episode might be my favorite thus far.
other podcasts i enjoyed this week: culture study on why we get so mad at celebs (taylor x matty healy!), bad on paper and leslie stephens on social media habits (enlightening!), and this episode of alison roman’s solicited advice, all about dining etiquette, which has me DYING to know:
i’m hosting book club next week, and we’re reading lisa ko’s new novel, memory piece. we pick our books via poll, but as the may host, i put together a list of books for us to choose from. i selected this one because i love ko’s last novel, the leavers, and memory piece was getting good reviews. but now that i’m nearly 70% into, i can’t decide if i like it or not? it’s one of those books that is trying to make a statement—i think about what, exactly, makes for a meaningful life?—but i’m unsure of how well it’s working (for me at least).
it’s the story of three friends—giselle, ellen, and jackie—who meet at a 4th of july bbq in the late nineties. the book follows them through the dot com boom, a time in which giselle is making it as a marina ambramovic-esque performance artist, jackie is quietly building what will a proto-social site (think: livejournal before livejournal), and ellen is resisting all capitalistic norms by building a commune in the east village. it follows them through the crash, and then abruptly jumps way into the future—2040, to be exact—that looks very different from the one the girls grew up in (and the one we live in now).
the writing is mostly third-person and rather sparse, which might be what i’m struggling with? and i can’t seem to click with any of the characters. but it got excellent reviews! i’ll report back after our book club discussion, but if you’ve read it, i’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
pps: if you’re a big reader, follow me on goodreads! i try and rank/save every book i read (and i read about 50-60 a year!)
i flew through bodkin earlier this week, thanks to a nasty head cold that had me down for the count for a few days. netflix had it flagged as a show i’d love, and someone told me that the obamas executive produced it, so of course i had to watch. a dark comedy about a motley crew of podcasters who go to rural ireland to investigate a decades old crime, bodkin is good, but not great. it makes for an effective binge, being just 7 episodes, and it’ll hold your attention—but it seems to have attempted to do a lot of things without doing any of them spectacularly well. it’s clearly a satire, but i wouldn’t say it’s funny, really. at least, it wasn’t laugh out loud funny to me. there’s a mystery, but there aren’t any big twists—nothing that makes you gasp. it’s perhaps strongest in its attempt to be a character study, which it does quite well for dove, an investigative journalist for the guardian played by the beautiful and terrific siobhán cullen.
having recently covered a big NHS (national health service) whistleblower story for the paper, dove is now under investigation herself, and her editor has sent her to ireland as a means of distraction. dove, who takes both her work and herself very seriously, is not a fan of podcasts, and believes she has better things to do. but also, she’s hiding a whole lot of deep dark secrets—secrets that will inevitably bubble to the surface as the story unfolds.
as it turns out, such is the case for nearly everyone on the show, which makes for an interesting watch. i think there’s a chance that bodkin is meant to be a commentary on our obsession with true crime (and voyeuristic storytelling in general), but i found it way more interesting when i interpreted it as a reminder that even the flashiest of stories are, at their core, stories about what it means to be human. the crew goes to bodkin looking to solve a mystery, and to tease out that mystery in a series of viral soundbites that will create a hit podcast. they find plenty of insane moments, but they find a lot of everyday humanity, too. and those moments are the ones in which bodkin shines the brightest.
i’ve been really into incorporating ground chicken into my cooking repertoire lately, and mostly in bowl form. that is, sautéing it with some sort of seasoning (often times, it’s taco), and serving it alongside fresh veggies, some sort of whole grain, etc. after having a really delicious and fresh mediterranean salad at ayat with my parents last week, i’ve been craving it at home, so i decided to prep myself a batch of that, and then improvise with the ground chicken i had at home to round out the plate.
note: i genuinely enjoy cooking, so i don’t mind meals that take a bit of prep. this one does require making a few different things—but they’re all quite easy, and honestly, you could add/subtract as you see fit!
what you’ll need:
1 lb ground chicken (or turkey, or tofu!) you could even omit this entirely, if you wanted!
a handful of spices to season the chicken: 1/2 tsp each of garlic powder, onion powder, cumin, 1/4 tsp cinnamon, a sprinkle of S&P)
2 tsp EVOO (for roasting, sautéing, etc.)
1 cup cherry tomatoes, diced
2 baby cucumbers, diced
1/2 cup bell pepper, cut into bite-sized pieces (optional, but pretty and yummy!)
2ish tbsp chopped fresh parsley (i like italian flat leaf; you could use dried if you don’t have it)
1 lemon, juiced
1 handful romaine lettuce (optional, but i like to have my greens!)
tzatziki (i get mine at trader joe’s, or you can find a recipe online and make your own)
roasted cauliflower (optional, but your girl loves a carby vegetable; i roast mine with za’atar)
1 can chickpeas (you’ll only use half; this time i used the seasoned ones from tj’s)
feta cheese
what you’ll do:
preheat your oven to 375, and toss cauliflower with 1 tsp of olive oil + about 1 tsp of za’atar. if you don’t have za’atar, cumin, salt and pepper work well, too!
roast at 375 for 15 or so minutes, keeping an eye on your cauli babies to ensure they don’t burn. this might take up to 20 minutes, depending on your oven.
meanwhile, prep your salad. chop your tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers (if using), and parsley. add the juice of half a lemon, plus a bit of salt, and taste. add more lemon juice to taste. set aside.
next, set a large saute pan on the stove (this one is my go to), and turn the heat to medium. add your olive oil, and let warm.
mix your chicken spices together. feel free to improvise here - maybe you want to throw a little za’atar in there, or some dried parsley! maybe nutmeg is your jam. you do you!
when the oil is hot, add your ground chicken, and saute for a few minutes, until no longer pink. sprinkle with salt and break up with a wooden spoon, then add your spice mix, and continue cooking until the meat is cooked through.
by this point, your cauliflower should be done roasting. it’s time to assemble your bowl!
add a bit of romaine lettuce (or any lettuce, really), then top with your tomato/cucumber salad. next to that goes your seasoned ground chicken, then your roasted cauliflower. add a spoonful of tzatziki, then sprinkle with chickpeas and feta, and a more parsley if you’re feeling fancy.
et voila! a delicious, well-rounded bowl for lunch or dinner. or whenever, really.
ps: if you’d like to make this vegan, you can omit the feta, tzatziki and chicken. chickpeas are a nice source of protein, and there are so many good vegan cheeses/yogurts these days!
i really love this $28 target shirt, but i wish i’d sized down. learn from my mistakes! i got an L, and i wish i’d gotten an M. not enough to deal with returning it (especially because i recently learned that SO MANY of our returns end up in a landfill, which should make all of us rethink our shopping habits), but enough that i am still figuring out how best to style it. thus far, i’ve worn it knotted (as seen above), as well as tucked into high-waisted jorts/pants.
it looks super sheer, and it is, but i wore it with a regular ol’ nude bra and felt totally fine about it/not even remotely exposed. i have a feeling it’ll be a summer staple, worn both as detailed above and unbuttoned/opened (at the beach!). i think it’s going to look exceptionally cute over a bathing suit, and while the fact that it’s knit means it’s not the world’s most breathable material, the holes do help.
ps: it’s memorial day weekend!
i’m staying put here in NYC, and have a series of low-key plans on the calendar that i’m really looking forward to. today (friday!), i’m linking up with my BFF kim, who’s in the city for a few days with her family from san francisco. the fact that they live across the country means i haven’t seen her in forever—maybe last summer?! that feels wrong, but i think it’s right—and i’m excited to squeeze in some QT with them. tonight, i’m going out to dinner, and then to a 2 hour (!!) sound bath with my friend molly in greenpoint.
i plan to spend most of saturday with kim, her husband, and the kids, and sunday, i’ve got afternoon drinks at pilot, an oyster bar on a boat in brooklyn. finally, i’ve got a memorial day BBQ—that is, if the weather holds. and i’m really hoping it does, because i desperately want to make this!
if you’re open to sharing, i’d love to hear what you’re doing in the comments.
and that, friends, is where i leave you. if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it with your network—so that the grand weekly can be seen by more people.
Sooooo much to relate to in here! Tired of starting off every newsletter with a reminder that I am *checks notes* still depressed? Check. Thinking a $22 cocktail that my unemployed ass can’t afford might fix it?? Check. When in reality what helps is moving my body, saying the scary things out loud (or at least writing them down) and crying into my cat’s fur. Yep yep yep. Thank you for sharing, it helps me feel less alone to know there are other people on here who are also going through it!
As I wrote in my newsletter this week if you only have 30% and you give 30% then really you gave 100%. So just, give yourself a pat on the back yeah? We all deserve it.
So many delights here, Sarah! I also watched Bodkin last week and completely agree with you're statement that it tried to do a lot of things but didn't quite do any of them well enough. It was entertaining and I was intrigued but I felt like it really petered out at the end. And I thought they didn't use Will Forte to his full comedic ability! He's so good.