5 things for friday
WTF is holding me back from writing? plus a book that blew my mind, a podcast ep i adored, the best cake i've baked in a while + more
happy friday, friends!
i’m happy to report that this seems to be the week in which—nearly a month after leaving my job—i finally feel some semblance of relaxation. yesterday morning, when my alarm went off at 7:30 and i realized i was exhausted (my nerves about penny have been causing me to toss and turn at night), i simply reset the alarm for 8:15. because i could. because though i want to maintain some semblance of normalcy while i’m not working, i also don’t have to wake up early every morning. because i have nowhere to be. figuring out how to take this time for what it is—a period of rest—and not attempt to over-schedule and optimize it (something i am wont to do) remains my biggest challenge, and so this tiny shift? it felt like a big win.
as you may have seen, i published the second issue of my new interview series, grand talks, on wednesday evening. it’s about starting over after your engagement ends, and my friend syd offers some really inspirational and tangible advice that i think applies to way more than just romantic breakups.
earlier this week, i crafted 3 additional sets of questions for upcoming guests, and sent them off into the ether. i’m really enjoying working on the series, and putting a bit more time into this newsletter overall. i know the reach is still relatively small, but it’s fun to have a creative outlet people genuinely enjoy and engage with.
speaking of: if you genuinely enjoy this newsletter, will you a) tap the little heart at the bottom and b) consider sharing it on your IG stories or forwarding along to a friend?
i’ve also been diving into other creative outlets, just because. i framed two vintage friends from the flea market in mexico, and hung them in my bathroom. i ordered a new dining room light fixture (do we think i can handle swapping it out myself?! youtube tells me yes…). i’ve been cooking a ton, something i missed desperately while i was in mexico. not because there was a lack of great food there (precisely the opposite!) but because i didn’t have a full kitchen. now that i’m back home with my well-stocked pantry and my alphabetized spice drawer, i’ve been finding great joy and honestly, quite a bit of solace in slicing and dicing, sautéing and roasting, boiling and broiling and the like. i’ve made not one but two loaf cakes over the past week, one of which was particularly delicious and which i’m linking to below!
the only thing i haven’t been doing? writing. you know, the thing i told myself i’d do a hell of a lot of during this downtime. while you could argue that this right here is writing (and it is, technically!), it’s not the same thing as working on my novel(s). yes, you read that right: while in mexico, i started a second book. mostly because i’m waiting for a response from a beta reader on the first book, and i needed something to distract from the severe anxiety that has settled in as i’ve heard nothing (does she hate it? does she think i’m a hack? am i going to feel like a failure when i finally get the feedback?!). i got 10 pages in, and then i just…stopped. i’ve been telling myself that it’s okay, because my body and mind are telling me they need a non-productive reset—that leaving my job and essentially giving myself a different one is not resting. and i think this is true: i do need to rest. i am not good at resting, not good at admitting i need to rest, or thinking that rest is acceptable. but rest is what i need.
and also: i need to stop procrastinating. i wrote an entire 330 page book in the span of just a few months by committing to just 1,000 words a day. i know it can be done, because i myself have done it. i just…need to recommit. since today is friday, it’s clear this week wasn’t the week. but next week? next week will mark one full month of not working, which feels like about damn time to start being productive again. or at least, productive in the form of 1k words a day. i’ve done it once (on top of a full time job!), and i can do it again. wish me luck!
if you, like me, are struggling with motivation, might i recommend this book? after being heavily influenced by olivia, i went and bought it at the seaport outpost of mcnally jackson yesterday morning after finishing my run down the east river, and can’t wait to dive in.
ok! enough rambling. i’ve got some really good recs this week, so let’s get to them.
here are 5 fun things for friday!
second life is one of my must-listen to pods, and i was thrilled to find that i’d somehow missed this episode from way back in december, which features a truly spectacular interview with brit marling, a writer/showrunner/director/actress who is the brains behind one of my favorite shows of the last decade, netflix’s the OA. if you haven’t seen the OA, make it your next binge—especially if you like dramatic mysteries with a hint of sci-fi/supernatural. brit’s path to hollywood is rather non-traditional (she nearly went into finance instead of film!), and her tale of just going and making stuff instead of waiting for someone to give her the permission or the money to do so.
i think a lot about that in terms of my writing—both here in the newsletter and in the fiction i’ve been working on. it’s so easy to think, well, when this person tells me the work is good/worthy/acceptable, then i’ll know i’m good/worthy/acceptable. you write a thing or make a thing or design a thing, and—because this is the nature of our culture—you put it out into the world, and you pray that someone sees what you see in it. that someone feels the feelings you attempted to imbue in the work. i cannot imagine doing this on the level of hollywood standards, ie, attempting to make an entire film and hoping that someone will see what you see in it. but that’s just what brit did—not once, but multiple times! she is an inspiration to creatives anywhere, and if you consider yourself even remotely creative, i’d highly recommend listening to this interview.
ps: i also really enjoyed this pod about highly sensitive people with alanis morisette, this ep of second life with gail simmons, and this hilarious and scathing critique of lean in.
i’m a wee bit ashamed to say that i got a good 150ish pages into this book before i realized i was reading about a real person: actress hedy lamarr. the only woman in the room is technically historical fiction, but it’s based on a very real, very interesting person—who i knew little to nothing about before picking up this (2019) book randomly, and who i am now obsessed with. did you know hedy invented the technology that informed today’s wifi and gps?! or that said technology was originally invented (by hedy and her friend, a pianist/composer named george antheil) to guide torpedos to their destinations during WWII?! or that she escaped her first (abusive) husband, a viennese arms dealer who provided munitions to hitler and mussolini, by hiring a ladies maid that closely resembled her, then drugging said maid with a sleeping pill, donning one of her maid’s outfits (into which she’d sewn money and jewels) and stealing away in the night on her bicycle?! OR that disney’s snow white was modeled after her? her story is fascinating, and i highly recommend both the book, and this documentary, which i found after going down a hedy lamarr rabbit hole.
ps: if you’re a big reader, follow me on goodreads! i try and rank/save every book i read (and i read about 50-60 a year!)
i didn’t tune into the oscars (beyond looking at all the outfits!), but i have been slowly trying to work my way through a handful of the nominated films. this week, i rented anatomy of a fall (it’s on both prime and apple!), which has a staggering 96% rating on rotten tomatoes and which was objectively excellent. the film opens with the death of a man in the french alps. he is discovered by his partially blind son, who stumbles upon him whilst out for a walk with the family dog, snoop. the son screams and screams until his mother—played by sandra hüller—comes running. when questioned, she tells the police she was taking a nap. did she kill him? the movie is much more concerned with the question—and all the ways in which sandra and samuel’s relationship will be pulled apart and analyzed—than the answer. it is a thriller, i suppose, but it’s not scary. rather, it seems almost documentary-esque in its examination of a marriage, and is a rumination on the ways in which we, as humans, fail one another, and fail ourselves. it won the palme d’or at cannes, and it’s easy to see why.
next up on my “oscar movies i missed” list: the zone of interest. i shall report back!
friends. this cake! i don’t even like carrot cake, generally, but i saw this recipe on pinterest, and immediately went out and bought shredded carrots to make it with (the recipe says don’t buy pre-shredded, but i did, and it’s still delish). it’s technically more of a fall recipe, but on a rainy weekend that feels like fall, a chai-spiced carrot loaf is just what the doctor ordered. i’ve been slowly chipping away at it all week, and adding extra frosting on certain bites because YOLO, you know?
a few alterations i made to the recipe: i used whole wheat flour in place of cake flour (only because i had it, and didn’t have cake!), i used nonfat greek yogurt because it’s what i keep in the fridge, and i decided not to brown the butter because i was excited and didn’t want to wait for it to cool. oh! and i added about a 1tsp of the chai spice mix into the frosting, which i highly recommend. it made the buttercream extra special. i have a whole bag of shredded carrots left in the fridge, and i think there’s a good chance i go for round 2 this weekend!
i’ve been seeing these cropped wide leg jeans allllll over the internet, and last saturday, i decided to venture up to the anthropologie store in rockefeller center and try them on for myself. imagine my surprise when they weren’t only insanely stretchy (joy!) but also, insanely flattering. initially, i tried them on in a 32, because my rounder middle tends to require larger jeans, even if my waist is small(er). but the waist of the 32 had quiiite a bit of extra room, and the salesgirl told me they’d stretch even more, so she brought me the 31. they only had the 31 in a lighter wash, and i wanted the dark wash, so they ordered them for me at the register, and shipped ‘em to my door for free. they arrive today, and i cannot wait. i feel like an item that looked good in a dressing room is going to look positively bonkers at home!
and that, friends, is where i leave you. if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it with your network—so that the grand weekly can be seen by more people.
I love that little mcnally jackson. So cozy upstairs.