5 things for friday
a 'back home' brain dump, a show i'm obsessed with, what i make when i don't feel like making dinner + more
happy friday, friends!
well, the post-mexico come down is real, i’ll tell you that much. i feel so lucky to have spent the time that i did in the city, and also so lucky to come home—but as i suspected, coming home has not been easy. i arrived to a new york that was cold, cloudy, and—on and off for the past 5ish days—rainy AF. i miss the sunshine. i miss the morning bird song (why is it that the birds of new york sound more like anxious hawks than cute lil tweetie birds?!). i miss dragging my travel yoga mat to the park and staring up at the cloudless blue skies as i crunched my way a little bit closer to heaven. i miss sleeping soundly, i miss the lack of humidity, i miss a coffee shop culture in which laptops aren’t just allowed, they’re encouraged.
march has historically been one of my least favorite months of the year—prior to spending february in mexico, it’s a month in which i nearly always booked a warm weather getaway—because it’s right about when you begin to feel as though it has been cold and dreary forever, and that it might just stay that way for eternity. back when we used to get frequent snowstorms, i genuinely liked winter. the city is never as quiet as it is when there’s a freshly fallen coating of snow. but now that global warming has blessed us with increasingly high temps, all those snow storms have turned to the type of days-long rain that makes new york feel more like london, or the pacific northwest.
having been out of the US for groundhog’s day, i can’t recall whether punxsutawney phil predicted an early spring or way more winter—but i can tell you that this week’s influx of puddles and wind and grey skies have me wishing i’d stayed in mexico. there’s just something about a string of cloudy days that makes your soul hurt a little bit, you know?
as i mentioned in last week’s newsletter, i’ve been feeling a fair amount of panic re: my job situation as of late. it’s as though 50% of my brain knows it will be more than okay, and the other 50% is screaming, THIS IS NOT OKAY! IT WILL NOT BE OKAY! returning to the home in which i have, since 2020, spent nearly 8 hours a day working and…not working? it’s weird. at best. i’ve been waking up at my normal early-ish times (7, 7:30am) not because i have somewhere to be, but because i am desperate to maintain some semblance of normalcy in a time that is anything but normal. i am, if nothing else, a creature of habit—and i’ve gone and done away with what was arguably the “habit” that took up most of my time. i’ve been feeling extra grateful for my workout schedule, which of course is ‘mandated’ by me and me alone, but still gives me a “thing” to do, and—a handful of times a week, via barre and yoga classes—a place to be.
PSA: if you’re not a cat person/don’t care to read about cat people, you may want to skip this part and scroll down to 5 things!
i’ve spent this week attempting to put my home back in order, as well as trying to nail down penny’s health situation. intrepid readers may recall that penny had a bit of a scare right before i left for mexico when a heart murmur was discovered at her annual checkup. i had to squeeze her in for an echocardiogram whilst also trying to participate in a new business pitch in philadelphia (which i needed to do, because i hadn’t yet quit my job), whilst also trying to prep to leave my home + my life behind for a month. thankfully, my friend and fellow cat lady sky came through, bringing penny to and from the vet for her echo while i hopped an early morning train to philly—saving me quite a bit of scheduling agony, but not the stress of wondering whether penny would be okay.
while i was away in mexico, my friend lauren let me know that penny had begun peeing around the house (something she’s never before done), and not just that—the pee in her little bed was pink. this prompted a panicked call to my vet (who i love!), and a course of antibiotics ordered from afar to try and treat what we assumed was a UTI. now that i’ve returned, penny has undergone a slew of tests. she’s had an ultrasound, as well as a blood pressure test, along with bloodwork, a thyroid test, and multiple urine cultures. poor baby has been through the ringer, and as her mama, i am…unwell.
i know penny is just a cat, not a human child. but i adopted her my senior year of college, way back in 2008, when she was just a little baby who stuck her extra-thumbed paw out of a crate at the aspca in albany and said, pick me! she has been by my side for every hard thing i have been through over the last 16 years, and i cannot imagine a world without her in it. i also cannot imagine a world in which she is in pain, or unhappy, or struggling. knowing that she was going through something while i was abroad was incredibly difficult, especially because there was a tiny, selfish part of me that felt like, really, penny? now?! i am trying to process the fact that i just sort of blew up my life, and NOW you’re going to be sick?!
as of today, the vet has concluded that penny has a few health issues to contend with. the good news? none of them are, as of now, life threatening. the bad news? she needs more tests (to diagnose the infection she still has, and find the right medication to treat it), and, once that is solved, daily treatment for hyperthyroidism + a kidney disease specific diet (aka, food she is mostly going to scoff at). we’re going back to the vet on sunday for another urine culture, as well as a repeat blood pressure test, but after that, i’m hopeful she can stay home for the next few weeks.
juggling all of this whilst trying to apply for and interview for new jobs has been a bit intense—and, of course, all of the above testing is quite expensive. as i’m sure any fellow cat mom would say, i would literally bankrupt myself before i let penny suffer, but woof, my wallet.
i know that for all intents and purposes, i just had a month-long break. but in some ways, it feels like i can’t catch a break. covid on my birthday, the stress of trying to leave my job (chosen, but stressful nonetheless), getting sick in mexico, penny getting sick from afar, coming home to a living room that stunk of cat pee (TMI, gross, i’m sorry). UNIVERSE, CAN I GET A MINUTE?!
like anything, i know that this too shall pass. and i do not regret leaving my job, nor going to mexico—both of those were the right thing for me, and i know that deep down in my soul, even if they’ve resulted in various hardships. but if it seems like i’m just over here holding on tight and riding the waves, it’s because i am.
suffice it to say i’m grateful for our 5 fun things.
i’ve been slowly working my way through the latest season of up and vanished, a podcast the investigates mysterious cold cases. this season is focused on the disappearance of a native alaskan woman named florence okpealuk, who vanished from a beach in nome—a tiny sub-arctic town known for its gold miners—in 2020. after receiving a tip from one of his producers about florence’s disappearance, host payne lindsay travels to nome to investigate. and once he starts digging, things get complicated. i listened to episode 4 of the show today, and found myself literally saying what the fuck? out loud multiple times while i walked to my local coffee shop. florence is just one of many indigenous and native women who’ve gone missing in nome, and while i don’t yet know where or how her story ends, i’m happy to see that lindsay’s podcast is giving it the attention it deserves.
i’ve been on a rather epic reading streak as of late, and this book has continued the trend. it is vanessa chan’s debut, but you can tell—you know how sometimes you can just tell?!—that she was meant to be a writer. the storm we made is the story of cecily, an ordinary housewife who becomes a spy in pre-WWII, british-colonized malaya (now malaysia), then falls in love with the man who has recruited her, drunk on the minty smell of his hair cream and the stories he tells about how the japanese will help to create “an asia for asians.” though the japanese do indeed manage to banish the brits, they usher in a time of turmoil far worse than cecily could ever have imagined. her son finds himself in a brutal work camp; her younger daughter chops of her hair and dresses as a boy to avoid being sent to work in a ‘comfort station’ where japanese soldiers can relieve their “urges.” it is a beautiful and at times intense portrayal of how war devastates ordinary people, and how power stands to corrupt us all.
ps: if you’re a big reader, follow me on goodreads! i try and rank/save every book i read (and i read about 50-60 a year!)
man oh man, am i obsessed with this show. even if i’m 99% sure i don’t quite understand what’s going on. constellation is a sci-fi thriller on appleTV (home to another excellent sci-fi thriller that made my top 23 of 2023 list!). it’s the story of a female astronaut who, following a deadly accident on the international space station, makes the heroic journey back to earth—only to discover that key pieces of her life have changed. her daughter no longer speaks swedish (though she used to). her car is blue, though it used to be red. she can play the piano, though she’s never tapped a key in her life. it is eerie and atmospheric, and so trippy that—as i said above—i can’t quite work out what’s going on. though, i think maybe that’s the point? my sense is that the show is purposefully messing with its viewers, leading us down rabbit holes that make us question our own perception of reality, so that we, too, feel like we’re losing grip.
stephen king called the first two episodes “just about perfect” which is high praise from a man who does nail-biting suspense better than just about anyone. i dare say the episodes that have followed have been just as good. i’m hooked, and feeling cranky that i have to wait ‘til next week for another episode.
you know those nights when you just don’t feel like making dinner? sometimes, i cave and order sushi. but when i manage not to do that, the above is my go-to. it’s a simple meal that comes together in about 15 minutes, and it’s got protein, carbs (my favorite!), and veggies, too. i hesitate to call this a recipe, but for explanation’s sake, here’s what you’ll need (everything is from trader joe’s!):
pasta (the other night i used leftover fancy pasta, but i often make this with whole wheat spaghetti)
pesto (i use a mix of homemade + tj’s vegan kale pesto—so delish!)
sausages (i use the chicken + apple ones from tj’s)
frozen peas (in my freezer at all times)
parm (i like these big chunks from tj’s!)
all you do is sauté the sausages for a few minutes on each side, cook the pasta (add the peas in the last minute or two to cook ‘em!), then mix together with pesto + top with cheese. add S&P to taste, et voila! a bowl of magic.
i am trying not to shop a lot while i’m unemployed, for obvious reasons. but i’ve also been struck by the realization that now is a good time to try and check some of the more time-intensive home projects i’ve been contemplating off my list. one of the biggest regrets i have about my home is my kitchen lighting, which is decidedly off-center, thanks to the fact that my contractor’s guy “centered” the lights before the cabinets went in, ie, installed the lighting boxes dead center instead of accounting for the unevenness of cabinets on one side + open shelving on the other. it’s one of those first time renovation mistakes that i kick myself for - i didn’t ask because i didn’t know to ask, and i didn’t hold his feet to the fire because i was too scared to do that once all was said and done. so for years (i renovated in 2016), they’ve been off-center, and i’ve hated them so much that i rarely turn them on, and purposefully crop them out of photos.
someday, i always say to myself. someday, i’ll get new lights and do it right. the issue, however, is that i think that if i were to replace them, the old holes would be covered up by these ugly white covers, which would be almost as much of an assault on the eyeballs as the off-centered lights are. such is my conundrum; because of this, i’ve done nothing for nearly a decade. but! now i am home, and have the time to work with someone, were i able to find a contractor who could help. and so i’ve been hunting for the type of lights i might like to replace them with. thus far, the above option, from crate and barrel, is the closest i’ve come to liking something. simple, not too farmhouse-y, with brass and white tones that will compliment both the kitchen and the lighting i have elsewhere. what do we think?!
and that, friends, is where i leave you. if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it with your network—so that the grand weekly can be seen by more people.
Reassuring you that it will all work out! It takes a lot of confidence and courage to quit a job when you don’t have your next steps lined up, and you will bring this energy into finding what’s right for you. Sending positive thoughts your way, and to sweet Penny!
A few years ago, I quit my job and the ennui I felt was similar. It was only temporary - very similarly, I traveled for a bit, but once I got back home, I was itchy to work again, if just to have my old life and habits reinstated. Everything worked out because of course it did. Wishing you a smooth transition into the next version of normal!