“i am a person who gives all the fucks, all the time”
Oof, I relate to this hard. On one hand I do envy people who do not have this constant burden, but on the other hand I don’t necessarily WANT to stop giving a fuck. I WANT to care about the injustices going on in the world, I want to have the most empathy for others, I want to hold myself to a high standard and continue improving. The problem is that all of these things result in me being so damn hard on myself and questioning the amount of effort I’m giving or how I’m being perceived. How can I find that balance where I care but I am giving myself more grace? I don’t feel close to figuring that out. Eldest daughter syndrome 100%!
I started thinking differently about asking for and accepting help when my therapist explained that I am actually taking something away from the people who love me by not being fully vulnerable with them. I am not engaging authentically in relationship when I do that. And when you are the person who cares so much for others, I have learned, those others really want to give back to you.
Seeing things through this perspective certainly hasn't made asking for help easy, but it's made it a tiny bit easier :)
I loved this. It’s such a HUGE life changing moment to realize you cannot be let down by people who you were not honest about your needs with (and that even includes yourself!). people are not mind readers, and those of us who are the care takers (i am one of these people lol) think we’ve spent all this time reading other people’s minds but in fact we just listen to what people are telling us and follow through. if we want people to show up for US, we have to tell them what we need. it’s so hard but worth it.
Funnily enough, I had a *very* similar conversation in therapy this morning. It's so hard to relax my self-sufficiency muscles — because they can be very useful and for a period of my life were necessary for survival.
So many parts of this had me aggressively nodding – being able to do it all myself (hi, also a Capricorn, eldest daughter, type a) feels like an accomplishment but is it worth it all the time? Not really. I've been thinking a lot lately about the emotional and mental loads that I've taken on (at work, at home, in all relationships, etc.) and I'm realizing that I can't keep going at this same rate of "need to do it myself." Life is just so much sometimes, but asking for help isn't easy. Especially when I don't always know what exactly to ask for!
The way I relate *so hard* to your essay today. The eldest daughter, Capricorn Moon, "ambitious" archetype is so real... I've been truly working on being vulnerable in the way of asking for help lately, and while it can feel uncomfortable, it has been... nice.
Also, downloading Anita de Monte Laughs Last for my commute home this afternoon. Thanks for the audio rec!
I give too many fucks at all times. I like being like that because I am organized, pragmatic, disciplined and reliable. But at the same time I envy people who live through and give less of a fuck ;-)
You’ve got this!
“i am a person who gives all the fucks, all the time”
Oof, I relate to this hard. On one hand I do envy people who do not have this constant burden, but on the other hand I don’t necessarily WANT to stop giving a fuck. I WANT to care about the injustices going on in the world, I want to have the most empathy for others, I want to hold myself to a high standard and continue improving. The problem is that all of these things result in me being so damn hard on myself and questioning the amount of effort I’m giving or how I’m being perceived. How can I find that balance where I care but I am giving myself more grace? I don’t feel close to figuring that out. Eldest daughter syndrome 100%!
I hear you!
I started thinking differently about asking for and accepting help when my therapist explained that I am actually taking something away from the people who love me by not being fully vulnerable with them. I am not engaging authentically in relationship when I do that. And when you are the person who cares so much for others, I have learned, those others really want to give back to you.
Seeing things through this perspective certainly hasn't made asking for help easy, but it's made it a tiny bit easier :)
I loved this. It’s such a HUGE life changing moment to realize you cannot be let down by people who you were not honest about your needs with (and that even includes yourself!). people are not mind readers, and those of us who are the care takers (i am one of these people lol) think we’ve spent all this time reading other people’s minds but in fact we just listen to what people are telling us and follow through. if we want people to show up for US, we have to tell them what we need. it’s so hard but worth it.
Fellow Capricorn relating to this!
Funnily enough, I had a *very* similar conversation in therapy this morning. It's so hard to relax my self-sufficiency muscles — because they can be very useful and for a period of my life were necessary for survival.
Sending good thoughts your way 💛
So many parts of this had me aggressively nodding – being able to do it all myself (hi, also a Capricorn, eldest daughter, type a) feels like an accomplishment but is it worth it all the time? Not really. I've been thinking a lot lately about the emotional and mental loads that I've taken on (at work, at home, in all relationships, etc.) and I'm realizing that I can't keep going at this same rate of "need to do it myself." Life is just so much sometimes, but asking for help isn't easy. Especially when I don't always know what exactly to ask for!
The way I relate *so hard* to your essay today. The eldest daughter, Capricorn Moon, "ambitious" archetype is so real... I've been truly working on being vulnerable in the way of asking for help lately, and while it can feel uncomfortable, it has been... nice.
Also, downloading Anita de Monte Laughs Last for my commute home this afternoon. Thanks for the audio rec!
I give too many fucks at all times. I like being like that because I am organized, pragmatic, disciplined and reliable. But at the same time I envy people who live through and give less of a fuck ;-)